I have heard it said many times, “If you want to be good parents, you need to care for each other first.” If you are like my husband and myself, and you are waiting to see what it will really be like to continue to care for each other, while caring for a child (ren), or if you have already experienced this life change, I am sure you realize that it is not an easy goal to meet. However, as the quote says, it is a necessary goal because the atmosphere of your home is built upon the health of your marriage. “The greatest overall influence you will have on your children will not come in your role as an individual parent, but in your joint role as husband and wife. A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional health of children in the home.” Let’s try and make it easier to meet the goal, by sharing some fun, romantic, and inexpensive ways that you and your spouse can enjoy time together, just the two of you. And remember, I am not just suggesting that this happens in February, around Valentine’s Day; these are ways you can enjoy time together all year round!

Before I list some ideas, I encourage you to ask yourself “What are the things that my spouse and my self used to do, before we had kids, that we enjoyed together?” Was it going to the movies, out for dinner, recreational activities, staying at home, theatre--remind yourself of these things, and intentionally plan to do one or more of them with each other. Otherwise, if you want to try something new, here are a few ideas that we have had lots of fun doing.

• If you live in the Twin Cities area, check out the “Diversions” section of the Minneapolis Star & Tribune, which can be found online (www.startribune.com). Each week they list fun activities, that are usually free, or reasonably priced; they range from outdoor park/recreational events, to concerts, to museums and home tours.

  
  

• If you like to go out to eat together (and I’m not talking about McDonald’s) here is an inexpensive way to enjoy time out, without the kids. Choose a restaurant that serves happy hour priced appetizers, and spend time together during the late afternoon. This way if it is important that you feed your kids, and get them ready for bed, you can still be home in time to fulfill your nightly routine.

  
  

• Buy special cards, or paper, and write each other a thank you letter/card. You can do this either at home, while the kids are sleeping, or if you choose to have someone watch them, go to your favorite coffee shop, bookstore, library, etc. Spend time writing to your spouse the things that you appreciate most about him, and when you are both finished, exchange them.

  
  

• Arrange a breakfast in bed date, by asking someone to drop off a meal (something prepared for by you, that you leave with them the evening beforehand). Give them a key to your home, and in the early morning have them set it up and deliver it to your bedroom. Enjoy time together, just the 2 of you, before the kids awake (even if this is in the really early hours of the morningJ).

  
  

• Find a campsite, or a place where you can make an outdoor fire. Bring a blanket, stuff to make s’mores, and great conversation.

  
  

• Check out a new cookbook at your local library. You and your spouse can choose a new recipe, maybe even a new type of food, and after the kids go to bed you can make it together. Depending on how much time you have, you can do something simple like an appetizer or dessert, or if you have more time you can make an actual meal.

  
  

• Enjoy a recreational activity together. Rent snowshoes or cross country skis in the winter season, or go for a walk, run, play basketball, or go for a bike ride; finish off the activity with a picnic together.

  
  

• The key is to make sure that YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE DO SOMETHING TOGETHER, on a regular basis. Whether you like these ideas, or have your own, be intentional about the two of you spending time together (without the kids), and enjoying it!

I recently had a chance to partake in an extended weekend vacation to Missouri with a dear friend--oh, and did I mention--my husband and kids stayed behind? Yes, you heard it. Patience and endearment for husbands and children can sometimes be lost in the doldrums of laundry piles--but I must say that by leaving the nest--they were found once again!

In my long weekend, I had fabulous girl-time-- hair cuts & hair dye, clothing shopping (without the traditional chase- children-under-the-clothing-display-rack routine), scrapbooking, laughing to the point of tears and gal- pal silliness beyond belief. You can call it R&R--but I would like to deem it "regeneration."

The thing I find amazing is the domino effect that can occur when a mama leaves the hubby to tend to the nest while she is gone to play. What kinds of things can happen when the wifey is away?

• Mama gets regenerated. Let's face it, the old adage is true: "A woman's work is never done." Therefore, in order to gain a break from the work that's never done--Mamas must leave the place in which the work exists! No cooking, cleaning, or screaming little blessings for a short time can revive a Mama like nothing else can. It's not selfish--it actually creates a better you for your children and husband. Sure, it's fun to play the part of the martyr, complaining about never getting a break, but the fact is that if you want to get your break you've got to make it happen! It doesn't have to cost a lot of money--you can leave for a full Saturday and go to the park or a library to read for the entire day. Don't play the martyr--take a small amount of time for YOU! You will be better for it.
  
  
• Children miss their Mommies. There is nothing like absence making the heart grow fonder-- especially if those hearts are your childrens. The beautiful sounds of childrens voices shouting "Mommy" in unison as you call or arrive is as a chorus of angels. They will find delight in the simplest things they missed while you were away-- reading stories, cooking their favorite meals. Tiny "I Missed You!" hugs are the greatest!
  
  
• Daddy gets kid-time. How often do we forget the abilities of our precious husbands to care for the children? I'm not saying that every husband is going to manage the home the SAME way you do while you are away (mine actually manages mine better than I do!) but I am saying that being together while mommy is away is a BONDING opportunity. The kids need a chance to have dad meet their needs for awhile. This is healthy and also sets a wonderful example for the boys in the home when they grow up to be fathers. Mother time with children is important, but father time with children is equally so.
  
  
• Hubby learns to appreciate what Mommy does. Upon my arrival home, my husband spoke these priceless words to me, "I hope that you being away this weekend has changed the way I treat you from now on. I lived your life while you were gone. There's no way I could do the things I wanted to do." Now, if only I could take those words and save them in a bottle--popping off the cork to get an audio replay every time I forget how sweet my mate truly can be! With each phone call I made to our home, I could sense his appreciation for me heightening as the weekend went on. The simple act of appreciation for what we do as stay-at-home moms adds a strong foundational brick into our marriages.
  
  
• Friendships get cultivated. There are so many relationships in life needing to be tended to-- oftentimes our friendships are neglected. We lack time, energy and resources to maintain solid friendships. There is a place in your life for the relationship with your husband, children, and family-- but there is never another relationship that can offer what a divine gal connection can bring. Treat yourself to some real girlfriend time--cultivate a relationship. Talk, share, encourage and laugh! Help one another to return home revived and better than before!

I know I have mentioned this to you all before, but I thought I'd remind you again--homemade soaps and cleaners are an awesome way to offset the household budget.
I make laundry soap, dishwasher soap and window cleaner in only about 30 minutes every few months. The cost averages out to about 6 cents per gallon for laundry and dishwasher soap compared to $5.00 per gallon in stores.

The cool thing is, the dishwasher and laundry soap are made at the same time--and you will only need to add bleach to the dishwasher soap (to help it clear coffee/tea stains).

Laundry Soap/Dishwasher Soap:

Ingredients:

5 gallons water

1 bar Ivory soap

1 cup Arm & Hammer washing soda (found in grocery stores by the laundry items).

Set aside an old kettle to use solely as your laundry pot. Grate the Ivory soap bar into the kettle (with a cheese grater or paring knife), add enough water to cover the grated soap. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat and continue to stir until soap is dissolved. In the bathtub or sink, fill the five- gallon pail with hot water (almost to the top, but leave about three inches unfilled). Add the soap mixture to the bucket, stirring as you add. Add 1 cup washing soda to the bucket, and mix. Pour mixture into one gallon containers (milk or juice jugs work well), leaving room at the top for the soap to expand. Option: You may also add essential oils such as lavender oil to mixture for a stronger scent. Use this solution for dishwasher soap as well, simply add 2 tblsp bleach to bottle.


Faux Windex: Using your old Windex or other bottle, fill halfway with water, a quarter full with ammonia, and a quarter full with vinegar. Put the cap on and mix well.