Before my husband, Bryan, and I ever discussed marriage I wanted to find out what he thought about having his someday wife stay home with his someday children. Neither one of us grew up with a parent who stayed home. In fact, Bryan comes from a family where much value is placed on “work ethic.” Good work ethic is an impressive quality in a young man, but I was concerned that work outside of the home was held in a higher regard than actually raising up a family.

Since becoming a Christian, and certainly since considering starting a family, I had a deep conviction that I would be held accountable for the children placed in my trust and that I would desire to give them nothing less than myself. I was determined to make the necessary lifestyle adjustments to make that my priority. Bryan told me during one inquisition that he had prayed he would be able to afford to have his wife stay home with his children…so I married him.

With our first child arriving sooner than we thought, I had to quit my job as a behavioral counselor for adults with mental disabilities. My job physically endangered myself and the child I now carried, so I opted for some part-time work doing various things.

One thing I would say has enabled us to afford me to stay home are the opportunities that come up at just the right time for just the right amount of time. (I often refer to these stages and changes in my life as its seasons.) I believe this is no coincidence but rather the direct effect of trusting God to meet our needs while we obey what we believe to be His plan for our lives, namely that we should raise our own children.

During this season of life, I have found work with the county providing respite for a family with a handicapped child, worked seasonally at the apple orchard, provided temporary, part-time childcare for other families, and have cleaned houses once a week for two families. I have also supplemented our income with work in the community theater as a freelance stage manager.

In order to maintain a virtually debt-free lifestyle (aside from one of our vehicles and our home), Bryan and I often wait on purchasing large items until we have the cash for it. We shop at consignment stores for much of our clothing-which I enjoy doing. I also bring many of our clothes to the consignment shops in order to earn extra money. We have learned to work with what we have for the most part, and have made investing into our future a third priority after tithing and paying our bills. We don't buy everything that we would like, but we are by no means lacking any good thing.

My conviction about being home to raise my children has been reinforced by my own experience and by the observations I have made of families around me. Most of the women I admire and respect the most are those who have made their family their priority. They are concerned with the big-picture of life; these are not babies we are raising, they are people; the next generation. We are not only parenting, but discipling. No other person could be paid enough to do that the way a parent can. No one can love them like I can, no one can touch them, teach them, train and disciple them, serve them, motivate them, and make them a priority like I can. And so, thankfully, I do.

This leads me to the conclusion that my life is not my own. (I think pregnancy introduced me that fact, and nursing certainly made me acquainted with it.) However, what I have struggled to grasp is the evident fact that along with the changes in lifestyle a child produces, so should my expectations of what can be accomplished in a day. I’ve realized I need not have anxiety about that.

As I mentioned in a previous paragraph though, I am a believer in seasons. I believe that although my first responsibility is to my family, I am also responsible for using the other gifts that God has given me. I believe it is beneficial and it is necessary to make time, even seasonally, to develop and to participate in the things I am passionate about or enjoy doing outside of the home as well.

Aside from marriage, motherhood has revealed me more than any other role or relationship. After having my daughter, I recognized that being a mother had made me softer. A friend of mine, as well as my own mom made this observation and I agreed. No one had made me feel as vulnerable and as responsible as my daughter had. No one had demanded that kind of maturity from me. This job is not completely self-less! It is amazing what a toddler will draw out, or demand of your character! While I'm training my two-year-old I can feel the hands of God refining me. No amount of adult interaction or intellectual stimulation can refine the character of an adult like a two-year-old can. There is a quote from the movie "Radio" that fits this season of life well, “We thought we were teaching him, but all the while, he was teaching us.”